It isn't supposed to make any sense
by Kotiya
Summary: Currently, Fluffy is wearing pink sequins (against his will), and Inuyasha has a brain transplant with a chicken so a rare disease can be treated.
1. Yum, Chicken!

You cannot arrest nor sue the mentally insane!   
Therefore, I can rightly say I have full ownership of...   
This imaginary pizza slice! Muahahaha!  
  
Okay, actually it belongs to my older brother... ::sniff::  
  
This fanfic is not meant to make any sense what so ever. I think I will give it several plots, though, to make it all the more confusing. I might even throw in a few guest appearances, of other anime characters and of real people. And yes! There will be Kikyo bashing!  
  
Now, before we commence, I must say one thing. It has little if anything to do with this and the Inuyasha storyline. But it will make a questionable introduction.  
  
I am in love with Vash the Stampede.  
  
He is a total dork, and a real sweetheart.  
  
On a further note, I also had a crush on Ryoko from Tenchi Muyo. Yeah, yeah, she's the same gender as I, sue me. She's just so cool.  
  
I also am head over heels with Duo Maxwell. If you don't know who he is, you . . . have really got to watch Gundam Wing. Actually I had a thing for Quatre too ^.^;;  
  
Why I am saying this, I do not know. I think it's a confessional . . .  
  
Oh, and during my Dragon Ball Z phase, Piccolo and Vegeta. But come on, Vegeta is just so cool. And Piccolo is green, pink, and I think he has antennae. And therefore I adore Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho because he resembles Vegeta, and he's got that third eye thing going on. Even though I have never in my life seen a single episode of Yu Yu Hakusho, I only read about it in a cool crossover with Gundamn Wing. I want to read it now, it was so cool...  
  
:::ahem::: anyway, I am hoping you skipped over all of that. My newest affection is way better than all of those people (except Ryoko and Vash). He is, the sexy, suave heart throb, Sesshoumaru!!!!  
  
:::wild applause::: Hey, no fair, you never give me that enthusiasm . . . Uhhh . . . Come on out, you sexy demon you!!  
  
Sesshoumaru: . . . .  
  
:::Inuyasha has evil grin, and pushes Sesshoumaru out into the open:::  
  
Sesshoumaru: I hate you.  
  
Me: No you don't! You loooove me!  
  
Sesshoumaru: No, I want to kill you.  
  
Me, with eyes narrowed for a moment: You will eventually give in. You are my little victim, and will learn to become completely dependent upon my presence! Muahaha!  
  
Sesshoumaru: :::shudder::: Please... someone help me...  
  
Me.. no, Kotiya. I am sick of typing out "me"...  
  
Kotiya: See? My evil plan is already in full effect! Now, my fluffy sex toy, the audience wishes to see you... in... PINK SEQUINS!!! Bwahaha!  
  
Everyone: :::sweat drop::: "Wha-"  
  
Sesshoumaru: 0_0!! You can't be serious! No! I... I won't let you! You sick twisted perverted girl--  
  
*poof*  
  
Sesshoumaru, in a form fitting pink-sequined outfit. He also managed to get bright yellow bows in his pig tails.  
  
The pigtails were on accident, I swear. And the yellow bows were supposed to be in his tail.  
  
Sesshoumaru: . . .  
  
Everyone else: . . . . . .  
  
Kotiya: Awww, look at you! You're all pink, and multifaceted...  
  
Sesshoumaru: . . .  
  
Kotiya: What's wrong, don't you LIKE your new look?  
  
Sesshoumaru: I am going to kill you.  
  
Sesshoumaru swipes with his claws the yellow bows and ribbons out of his hair, which then returns to normal.  
  
Inuyasha, meanwhile, has been about ready to explode because he is too shocked to let out his laughter. Well, not anymore...  
  
Inuyasha: Bwahahahahaha! Sesshoumaru, you look so ridiculous! Ah, man, I have to tell you, this is a good look for you. The ribbons bring out your eyes!  
  
Sesshoumaru, paying no attention to his half brother, leaps at Kotiya with a deadly glint in his eye. She takes no notice and decides he is going to tackle her so they may do things . . . not appropriate in front of an audience.  
  
Kotiya, love struck and blushing: Sesshoumaru, right here? You are so eager! But, not here! You must wait until we get married and then we can have little fluffies!  
  
This is enough to send the midair Sesshoumaru face faulting into the ground, not unlike Kagome's "sit".  
  
Kotiya: Oh darling, are you okay?  
  
Sesshoumaru, twitching in a pink plastic heap, only groans for mercy.  
  
Kotiya: o.O Uhh.. okay . . . well anyway, please enjoy tonight's show! :::bows:::  
  
  
Kagome is playing a flute. (Sorry, couldn't think of anything else.) (No wait! I can!!)  
  
Kagome: Aww.. I was getting really good at it too... :::walks off stage:::  
  
No wait! Come back! You are going to have a romantic picnic with Inuyasha!  
  
Kagome, with big smile: Oh, all right!  
  
It's a classic picnic, with red and white plaid blanket, and basket with watermelon slices, sandwiches, and the cold dismembered body parts of a cooked chicken.  
  
Kagome: Eeeww, do you have to describe the chicken so graphically?  
  
Kotiya: I could explain how it was killed... still twitching in the oven, you know they had to tie it down so it wouldn't run around in there.  
  
Kagome, face pale: Couldn't they have killed it first???  
  
Kotiya: Well, they did chop off its head, but they don't seem to need it. You know, there was a chicken who lived a long time without a head, a man kept it alive by dripping nutrients into its neck for it to go down its throat--  
  
Kagome, hands over ears and eyes tightly shut: Lalalalalalalalalalalalala . . .  
  
Kotiya: --I think it was something like nine days . . . no, that is how long a cockroach lives without a head . . . It was way longer, I think it was something like weeks or months . . . .  
  
Kagome: Lalalalalalalalalalalalala--  
  
Inuyasha, taking advantage of the moment: Hey, Kagome, this is some good chicken. Hey, it's brain stem is still hanging out, that's why it didn't die!  
  
Kagome: Aaaaahhh! You two are so sick!! :::runs off of stage in disgust:::  
  
Kotiya: She left...  
  
Inuyasha: Leaves more food for me. (Munch munch) Hey, this is good chicken.  
  
  
  
  
I know, it sucks. They're just little anecdotes. The later ones may get better, and the chicken will appear in future sessions. Please give reviews and include ideas for "episodes", all credit will be given.  
  
Flame all you want. The chicken *will* have its revenge.  
  
Actually I'll just cry and then delete it and write "I hate you" over and over on my English textbook. 


	2. Brain Surgery! Muahahaha!

Quick Disclaimer: Contains minor profanity and some morbid content. You are forwarned. Also, I have nothing against animal rights activists and giant pink fluffy bunnies. But I wouldn't mind hate mail from them anyway! (Especially from the giant pink fluffy bunnies.)  
I... don't own Inuyasha. I am sorry, I just am not that kind of dominatrix girl.  
  
Candy/Tinsir: Yes, you are! Look what you did to that one guy, he couldn't walk for a week after you-- ack, BAD mental picture.  
  
Kotiya: Uhh.. hello, how'd you get in here?  
  
Candy: I needed Miroku, I couldn't go on through lunch without him. Okay, actually he borrowed five dollars from me earlier and I need it back.  
  
Kotiya: Oh, I see. Wanna be a guest on our show?  
  
Candy: Sure... uhh, no whips and chains are involved, right?  
  
Kotiya: Uhhh... yeah, sure, whatever.  
  
Candy: Okay!  
  
Kotiya: Cool! Okay, everyone meet Candy/Tinsir. She will be assisting us today. I just hope she has a strong stomach...  
  
Candy: What is that supposed to mean? Vicky?  
  
Kotiya: Please, Kotiya.  
  
  
  
It has occured to me now that in the previous session, Inuyasha said the chicken was good twice. Instead of correcting this, I will expand and add a second plot.  
  
Inuyasha has a rare brain disease that is called Mishiboku Llama Syndrome. (Yeah, it's total bullshit, but Inuyasha doesn't know that.) It causes him to repeat random phrases at embarrassing moments. In order to continue his Shikon jewel shard-searching career, Inuyasha will need to have his brain removed so we can kick it around over a thirty foot high volley ball net for our slimy amusement. We also may have to put his disembodied brain through kindergarten by disguising it as the class guinea pig. Hey, we don't want to leave permanent mental damage on those poor little brats by just tossing a semi-human brain in there . . . well, I do, but it's more fun for them to think it's a guinea pig. Hey, they may never be able to look at a small animal again without cringing into the fetal position on the floor and humming the theme to MacGyver. (Don't ask.) (Does MacGyver even have a theme? o.O)  
  
Inuyasha, flatly: Is all this really going to cure my condition?  
  
Yes, it is the way the experts treat Mishiboku Llama Syndrome.  
  
In order for Inuyasha's body to remain alive, another brain will have to be obtained to replace his own temporarily. So, how about it, Miroku?  
  
Miroku: What?? Why me??  
  
Come on, you can get close to Kagome while in Inuyasha's body....  
  
Miroku: Well, when you put it that way...  
  
Inuyasha: No way! I'm not having that sleazy perv inside of my head!  
  
Fine. Anyone else going to volunteer?  
  
. . . . .  
  
. . . . . . . . .  
  
Anyone here with a gimpy leg that can't run away from me quickly enough??  
  
. . . . . . . . .  
  
Kagome: Hey, what will happen to the person who donates their brain? Don't *they* need one to survive too?  
  
Uhh... heheh ^_^;; Never thought about that one...  
  
Okay, since a human brain cannot currently be [legally] obtained, we will need to find the nearest animal brain. You there, fox-boy!  
  
Shippo: Wh-who, me!?  
  
Kagome: You can't take his brain! He's a supporting character!  
  
Well, what about the kitty? :::Grabs Kirara:::  
  
Kirara, in a hissy mood in the first place (that time of the month) (no, not that you weirdo! It's a full moon) (do cats even go through a PMS cycle?), claws Kotiya up and escapes out of her grasp into Sango's protective arms.  
  
Oooowwiiiee.... :::wince wince sob::: Fine, I'll just take this baseball bat to this conveniently placed baboon right over here...  
  
Naraku: :::glower:::  
  
Sheeesh, talk about looks that can kill.  
  
Naraku: :::glower:::  
  
Just then, a giant pink fluffy bunny (trust me, it's huge, like a hippo) hops across the stage.  
  
Oooooo! Giant fluffy pink bunny! Perfect!!  
  
Inuyasha: Hey, that's a huge rabbit, how the hell is that thing's brain going to fit inside *my* skull?  
  
Don't worry, we can stuff it through the top of your head. That will be gone anyway when we remove your brain.  
  
Inuyasha, reeeaally starting to worry: Is all of this neccessary? I mean, how is repeating a silly phrase once in a while going to affect my Shikon jewel shard-searching career?  
  
Shut up, it just will. *Especially* when it's "Hey, this chicken is good".  
  
Inuyasha: Don't tell me to shut up you stupid bitch!  
  
What... did you call me..? :::several ticks pop up on forehead::: Kagome, Soggy Purple Mushroom Cream!  
  
Kagome: SIT!!  
  
Inuyasha: WHAM!!  
  
Kagome: Hey, what gives, I didn't want to say that!  
  
I know, but whenever I say 'Soggy Purple Mushroom Cream" --SIT!!-- --WHAM!!--, you say "sit" ^_^  
Hey, the giant pink fluffy bunny is getting away!! Come back, I need your braaain!  
  
Suddenly, out of no where, (you can even hear the magical *poof* of him appearing out of no where) a messenger boy pops up and hands Kotiya a letter.  
  
Huh? What's this about? . . . "We, the Animal Rights Activists, cannot allow you to kill an elusive giant pink fluffy bunny. We advise you to discontinue, or we will have one of our trained hawks maim you. Sincerely, the Board of Animal Rights Activists" . . . . Damn. Now where am I going to find a brain?  
  
Inuyasha, tiptoe-ing towards back door: I think I'll be going now...  
  
Soggy Purple Mushroom Cream!  
  
Kagome: SIT!! --WHAM!!!-- Argh! Stop doing that!!  
  
I know! There's that dismembered cooked chicken's head! :::pulls chicken head out of no where::: There, we have found a brain! (Hey, I told you the chicken would return in future episodes.)  
  
Inuyasha: A CHICKEN??? You're going to replace my brain with a chicken's???  
  
Just during the procedure. It's okay, we have a special pen made for you, and all the cornmeal and spiderwebs you can peck a beak at!!  
  
Inuyasha: Let's just get this over with. Stupid witch.  
  
I will pretend I didn't hear that. Now, for the buzz saw!  
  
Kagome: Can't you use surgical tools?  
  
Nope, all I could get my hands on were these rusty power tools. Hey, Inuyasha, you have your tetnous shots, right?  
  
Inuyasha: My what?  
  
Now, to give him the gas... :::sprays Lysol into dogboy's eyes:::  
  
Inuyasha: SSHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!!!???  
  
I'm knocking you out so you don't have to feel the pain.  
  
Inuyasha: YOU'RE GOING TO BLIND ME!!!  
  
Don't worry, we have fifteen minutes to finish the procedure and flush your eyes out with water.  
  
Sango: I don't think that's what this bottle says, you're supposed to flush for fifteen minutes *immediately* after contact with eyes. You're also supposed to call your local poison control center right away.  
  
:::shrugs::: Oh well. That's what the chicken eyes are for.  
  
Miroku: How exactly is spraying that into his eyes going to knock him out?  
  
Easy, he will pass out from the pain.  
  
Miroku: I would think that the sawing open of his skull would be far more excruciating than his eyes stinging.  
  
Good thinking!  
  
Inuyasha: THANKS A BUNCH, MIROKU!  
  
Candy: I don't want to hear his screaming for the next ten minutes, just give him one of these.  
  
Numerous people in unison: Why, it's a super strength sleeping pill!  
  
Kagome: Those are effective right after swallowing!  
  
:::plops pill into Inuyasha's mouth::: --*Gulp*--  
  
. . . . . .  
  
Inuyasha: *snooore*  
  
All right, let's get sawing!!  
  
  
  
Well, that's it for this session. Don't worry, we'll continue with our following chapter! And all of the following questions will be answered:  
Will the brain transfer go successfully? How will Inuyasha's new chicken-like personality and habits affect his and Kagome's relationship? Just who will kick his brain thirty feet into the air and over the volley ball net? Won't it disinigrate upon landing? How do you say Soggy Purple Mushroom Cream --SIT!--WHAM!!--Stop making me say that!-- in French? What is the cubed root of 97,302.8? And how many angry kindergartener's parents will threaten to sue me for mentally disturbing their children for life?  
  
Stay tuned for these questions answered, and more! 


	3. The Transplant

Welcome back! In case you've forgotten, we're in the middle of transplanting Inuyasha's brain!  
Now, two of your questions will be answered!  
  
The cubed root of 97,302.8 is 45.99476941.  
  
Soggy Purple Mushroom Cream --SIT!--WHAM!!--Stop that!! in French is "Creme Violet Detrempee De Champignon"-- REPOSEZ-VOUS!--WHAM!!!-- Damnez-vous! ^_^;;  
  
Finally, I've been waiting five whole minutes for this! :::turns on buzz saw::: Muahahaha! :::Has wide grin, and is drooling:::  
  
~Most of the juicy visuals have been omitted. After all, this *is* only PG-13. But I will let you hear everything! I also must warn you, there are slight sexual connotations included. But let's all be mature here and not report me. ^_^;; ~  
  
Kagome: Ugh, I'm going to be sick.  
  
Miroku: Here Kagome, let me hold you :::grope grope::: *SLAP!*....Nevermind....  
  
*BZZZZZZZZZZZT!-Splash-splat-plop-chopchopchopchop-grrriiiiiiinnnd-chop-BZZZZZZZZT-ZZZZT-ZZT-Sputter*  
  
Damnit out of batteries.  
  
Kagome: What kind of power tool used for cutting slabs of wood runs on batteries!??  
  
Does anyone have any AAA batteries on them by any chance?  
  
Kagome: :::facefault::: :::stands back up, with AAA batteries miraculously in hand:::  
  
Thanks.  
  
Kagome: :::blinky blinky::: uuuhhh... Sure, anytime... /where did those come from, anyway?/  
  
*Click - Thud Clang - Ouch! - Sorry bout that - BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ - Chuddalomp - ZZZZZT - pop - ack dont drop it!! - Splat - whiiiiiirrrr - oops... - whoa, look at the size of that thing! - Miroku, put that back in your pants!! - I thought you'd like to see Mr. Happy... - now, for the brain - Buck buck - who let that chicken in here!? - uhh.. you did - oh right - chicken head? - here you go - good, now take this Kagome - huh? Why do I have to hold it?? - because it's fun to watch you squirm and I don't trust monkey boy with brains - what, it's not like I'll eat it - are baboons even monkeys? - Shplat - sliiip - hey, watch where you're stepping! - sorry.. - now, to disect chicken head - crunchcrunch - eew, that's gross - you're saying that NOW?? - yummy, year old chicken brains - Spoooo - ping - (echo) - hehehe it sure will be fun to tease him now - did anyone see the top of his head? - damnit Naraku, I knew you couldn't be trusted with brains! Get that out of your mouth and give it back to Kagome now! - darn... - hey look, I'm a banshee! - Shippo, get Inuyasha's scalp off of your head this instant! - now, for some means to keep the top of his head on... - how about this? - Miroku, I told you to keep that thing in your pants! - No, wait, its sticky secretions just may work! - Wait, he's shy, have to rub him a little to coax him out - oh, give me a break - I wonder what's on HBO? - Okay, he's ready! - Plop - Splat - Eeeew, that is so disgusting - it's running down Inuyasha's face! I can't kiss that again!! - Don't be such a wuss, people eat those all the time - well, it seems to be holding his head together. Let's just hope that in his new state of mind, Inuyasha won't try to eat it.*  
  
Okay, graphic parts over. You can open your eyes!  
  
Everyone is surrounding Inuyasha, though Sesshoumaru is in the living room watching TV, and Inuyasha is for the most part intact. He looks normal, except he has a very large snail on his forehead. Hey, what did you think Mr. Happy was? Don't be so perverted, geez. This *is* PG-13!  
  
Now we just have to wait for Inuyasha to wake up. We're going to have to lead him into his pen and try to keep him from eating that snail. Should Mr. Happy fail to keep Inuyasha's head together, that little (it's about the size of a pea, actually smaller because of its age, it's all shrivelled into a hard and flaky mass. It's a wonder it's working at all ^_^;;) chicken brain of his is going to pop right out and I don't think we'll be able to find it, it's so small--  
  
Kagome: Heeeel-lo! Butt heads! I'm still holding this damn brain! And I can't hold off from Naraku all day!  
  
Naraku, bad monkey boy! Get away from that brain and stop drooling all over my brand new carpet!  
  
Naraku: :::whimper::: :::goes off to a corner and pouts:::  
  
Okay, now we must commence with the treatment. Kagome, you have good people skills! Get in contact with the local elementary school and tell them we have a cute and friendly domesticated animal to donate to their Kindergarten classroom! The rest of you, come with me to the backyard where there is a thirty foot high volleyball net and we will divide into two teams. You too, Fluffy.  
  
Sesshoumaru: Don't call me that.  
  
Kagome: I want to play volleyball...  
  
After you make the call, we'll leave an extra spot ^_^  
  
~outside~  
  
Okay, Fluffy will be on my team, and will be standing in front of me so I can stare at that nice butt of his, and Sango will be on this team as well.  
  
Miroku: Well, I'll just go over here....  
  
Not so fast, monk. We're concentrating on the game--uh, treatment, and I don't need you chasing Sango around and interfering.  
  
Miroku: Hmph. Hypocrite.  
  
Candy, well, I guess you've already chosen your spot next to Miroku, I trust you'll keep him in line. Monkey boy--  
  
Naraku: I have a name.  
  
--I don't trust you with this brain, go put Inuyasha into his pen and feed him some corn meal. Make sure he has enough water, too.  
  
Naraku: Bitchy control freak, just wait till I get her brain alone with me....  
  
Shippo, be a cute pink balloon and float around. Kagome, you're back already! Here's a mallet in case Miroku gets side tracked.  
  
Kagome, taking iron mallet in hand: Sweeeet. Oh, Miroku... ^.^  
  
Now, we just take this brain... think we should put it in a freezer bag just in case it starts to fall apart?  
  
Shippo: Nah, let's just start playing.  
  
~Now, the processes of kicking a fresh and juicy hanyou brain around is very graphic, and I will have to cut the visuals once more. Okay, actually I am too lazy to describe the entire processes. And besides, sound effects are fun!  
  
*Shlop - All right, here goes! - Thwa - Oooooo, I got it I got it! - Shplat - cool, it's all over in your hair - ack get it out get it out - Shpla thud - hey, be careful with that brain. We still need to put it through kindergarten! - splat - phoooot - splat - phoooot - splat - phoooot - shlop - sluuuurp munch munch mmmmmm- damnit Naraku I'm not kidding, get that brain out of your mouth or else I'm going to sic Kirara on you! - fine. Mangy little girl - just... go scratch Inuyasha's ears or his belly for half an hour. Creep. - I wonder if she'll notice if I... - AAAAII! MIROKU WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!?? GET OVER HERE! - PHOOOOOOM! - whooooosh - whiiiiiir - SHPLAT!! - Allright, Kagome! You got the brain over the thirty foot high net!*  
  
Kagome: I did? Huh, I was aiming for Miroku... Hey, where do you think you're going you perverted monk?  
  
!!SMACK!!  
  
Miroku: I was... just... trying to encourage you to kick the brain over the net, that's all...  
  
Kagome: Right, like I am supposed to believe that.  
  
All right, good work everyone. Phase One of the treatment. Now, we shall take a short break and then we will commence Phase Two of the treatment. Shippo, you come with me. We will need someone on the inside. Fluffy boy--  
  
Sesshoumaru: Stop calling me that, useless wench!!  
  
--We're going to need a diversion. Still have that pink sequined body suit?  
  
Sesshoumaru: No, I burned it after slashing it to a thousand pieces. ! O_O ! Hey wait, why??  
  
Damn. Oh well, I have thirty six more of those in your size. Hey, monkey boy!  
  
Naraku: . . . .  
  
I'm going to need your excellent puppeteering skills because I have a feeling Fluffy won't cooperate.  
  
Sesshoumaru: T_T Stop calling me that!!  
  
Naraku: Very well then. It will cost you.  
  
Fine, you can have the chicken's brain after the entire procedure.  
  
Naraku, salivating: goooood . . .  
  
Kagome, with a handful of cornmeal: It's okay Inuyasha, we are almost done. You'll be back to normal in no time.  
  
Inuyasha: BUCK BUCK buhk buhkaw!  
  
Kagome: Ow! Hey, he bit me!!  
  
Well, that's all we have time for today! Come back to see us for our kindergarten undercover operations, with *special* help :::wink and a nod to Kinoko and Riinuka::: from Fluffy and Foxboy!  
  
Shippo: O_O' Uhhh... what is she talking about?  
  
Sesshoumaru: I told you to-- O_O' hey, wait... this doesn't have anything to do with those pink sequined body suits, does it???  
  
:::Shippo and Sesshoumaru yelp and turn tail:::  
  
Don't worry, we'll get them.  
  
I hope you enjoyed today's session! :::bow:::  
  
Inuyasha: Buhk buhk BUHKAW!!  
  
Kagome: O_O HEEEEELP MEEEEE! He's trying to... do weird chicken things with me!!! AAAAAIIIHHH! 


	4. Volleyball and Kindergarten

Yay! Seven reviews! :::does happy happy dance::: I love them all, danke danke!  
  
In response to the various reviews:  
  
I never heard of the show that the chicken thing was on. I just read about it somewhere a long time ago, long enough to forget every major detail.   
  
Thanks for the ideas, and I will gladly incorporate the ideas which I can ^_^  
  
Sesshoumaru as a puppet~ Kinoko  
Shippo in a kimono~ Riinuka  
Can't do the 'convincing he doesn't have a brain' thing yet, but I'd like to work it out later =) (Annie)  
  
*  
  
*  
  
Sesshoumaru is glowering from a corner--  
  
Sesshoumaru: *glower glower*  
  
-- in a - you guessed it! - pink sequined body suit. Everyone else is tying thin rope to his various joints and the top of his head, and Sango is tying the other ends to her boomerang.  
  
Sango, handing Naraku the boomerang: Don't get your drool and weird monkey bugs on my boomerang, got it?  
  
Naraku: uh, okay . . .  
  
Candy: You know, I think I should be going... I'm missing "X"...  
  
Very well then! Take a bow! Everyone, say good bye to our lovely guest Candy/Tinsir!  
  
Everyone: Good bye Candy/Tinsir!  
  
Candy: ...bye... :::then under her breath::: she's such a freak, I can't believe she's actually going to do this... *Exit*  
  
Now, to dress up the brain as a guinea pig. :::Sticks lots of hair into brain's many crevaces, then sticks in a couple sticks (*Plop plop*) as "legs". Now, for the cute little eyes... these cashews should do nicely. There! Our guinea pig!  
  
We're going to need someone on the inside. Shippo, we have to enroll you as a student.  
  
Shippo: Cool, I get to go to school!  
  
Yepper, but... we're going to have to do something about that tail. I know! It can be your ponytail!  
  
Kagome: But, isn't it going to be kind of weird for a little boy who is supposed to be "five" to have such long and thick hair?  
  
You're right. Only a girl can get away with that. Hey, wait a second! :::light bulb pops up above head::: *Crash* Owch! Hey, who dropped the light bulb on my head?  
  
Anomonous light bulb dropper: sorry...  
  
Anyway, I have an idea! Shippo, we'll dress you up as a girl!  
  
Shippo: WHAT??  
  
Sesshoumaru: *snicker*  
  
*giggle giggle* It will be fun! You can wear this pretty pink kimono, and we can stuff the front of it with these two balls of socks and then we'll put this make-up on you--  
  
Kagome: He's not in middle school yet, you can't make him look like a whore!  
  
Oh, right. Good thinking. Sorry, Shippo, you're going to have to be flat chested and plain.  
  
Miroku: darn...  
  
:::Sweat drop::: Some one hit him! There will be no child molesting/bestiality here!  
  
WHACK WHACK SLAP!!  
  
Thank you girls. Now, we'll just stuff fox-boy in the Kimono, and wrap him up with this silky white sash, and tie it in the back with a bow...just pull his tail out from under the bow and tighten it a little... put in a few ribbons, and, voila! Instant girl!  
  
Shippo: . . .  
  
Sango and Kagome in unison: Aawww! He's so cute!!!  
  
Shippo: Please don't tell Inuyasha about this...  
  
No problem! He'll probably slice me to ribbons if he found out what we're doing to his brain, anyway ^_^;;  
  
Miroku: Shippo, I cannot believe I have not noticed it before, how truly lovely you are. I know you are so very young, but I am willing to wait. Tell me, will you bear--  
  
WHACK WHACK SLAP WHACK BAM SLAP SLAP SLAAMM!!!  
  
A very battered Miroku is plastered against the ground. Shippo just stands there, shocked.  
  
Shippo: ((O_O)) ...He didn't *really* say all that, right?  
  
Uhh... Of course not! Now, we'll just put the finishing touches on with this curling iron *Sizzle sizzle* and... done! A perfect little girl! Now, for Sesshoumaru's grand distraction! Hit it Naraku!  
  
Naraku floats from above, manipulating Sesshoumaru with the boomerang and ropes. Kirara, in her "saber kitty" form, is behind Naraku, guiding Sesshoumaru's long fluffy tail. Children on the playground are gathering around, and the teachers follow suit. Sesshoumaru continues to dance and then starts to sing nursery rhymes.  
  
Sesshoumaru: Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder...  
  
Shippo, meanwhile, runs with the brain towards his new teacher, Ms. Happyface.  
  
Ms. Happyface: You must be our new student, what is your name?  
  
Shippo: I'm Ship--... I'm Shipoma! I brought the guinea pig!  
  
Ms. Happyface: What an odd looking guinea pig... What is his name?  
  
Shipoma: Uhhh... Zeke?  
  
Ms. Happyface: Well, what a cute name for a guinea pig! I'll just take him from you and put him into the cage we've prepared... :::looks at brain goop on hands::: -_- Well, looks like little Zeke wet himself. :::Drops furry brain into cage and goes to the sink to clean up:::  
  
Shipoma: That was all so easy, but what was Sesshoumaru supposed to do?  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Sesshoumaru: B, I, N, G - O, B, I, N, G - O...  
  
Sango: I don't think it was even necessary for Sesshoumaru to make a distraction, it's not like Shippo sneaked in there...  
  
I know, actually Sesshoumaru has nothing to do with Shippo getting into the classroom. I just wanted an excuse to see him sing and dance.  
  
Sesshoumaru, with little veins popping out all over his perfect face: What... did you say?? :::Runs after Kotiya with a murderous glint in his eyes::: You're dead bitch!  
  
The ropes snap, but Kirara still has Sesshoumaru's tail in her teeth, and doesn't budge. Needless to say, Fluffy doesn't get far.  
  
Sesshoumaru, panting: I will... get you... one day... evil... psycho..girl.... :::gives up to be tackled by little venomous bloodsucking demons otherwise known as... children. Hehehe.  
  
Meanwhile, in Ms. Happyface's class....  
  
Ms. Happyface: Okay, children, I want you to meet our new class pet, Zeke!  
  
Shipoma: Muahahaha...  
  
The slimy and by now odd smelling guinea pig is wrestled over by the little terrors, and Shipoma only wishes Inuyasha could see what is happening to his brain.  
  
Venomous bloodsucking parasite otherwise known as a child #1: I think Zeke is sick, he smells funny.  
  
Venomous bloodsucking parasite otherwise known as a child #2: And he's drooling all over me...  
  
Venomous bloodsucking parasite otherwise known as a child #3: His eye is crunchy! :::munches on the cashew posing as an eyeball:::  
  
Ms. Happyface: Get that out of your mouth, you don't know where that guinea pig has been!  
  
Venomous bloodsucking parasite otherwise known as a child #1: Hey, is this a foot print? Teacher, someone stepped on Zeke...  
  
Venomous bloodsucking parasite otherwise known as a child #3: Ooooo, teacher, can we paint him?  
  
Ms. Happyface: Well, the paint is nontoxic... sure, why not? ^_^  
  
Ten minutes later, the furry brain known as Zeke is now multicolored and crusty. Some children are sticking pipe cleaners into it, as well. Oops, there goes Inuyasha's optical nerves. Hehe, looks like he wouldn't be needing those eyes anyway. Never did flush them out, did we...  
  
Finally, children, being the evil little bloodsucking parasites they are, easily tire of the now deformed "guinea pig", and they toss it somewhere in the general vicinity of its cage (*Plat - crrrrik*). Shipoma, deciding this is enough, takes off with the... thing and leaves the school grounds.  
  
Ms. Happyface: Huh, the guinea pig is gone. Venomous bloodsucking parasite otherwise known as a child #3, did you happen to eat it?  
  
Phase Two completed.  
  
  
  
  
PS: no kindergartener's parents have come after my blood yet, but one did have her son complain about indigestion.  
  
  
Well, the procedure is almost complete. A/N: Zeke really was a guinea pig. He was an adorable creature that lived in an under-the-bed storage bin for a good two.. months. Hey, don't give me that look! It's not like I kept him under the bed. It's messy enough under there, he couldn't fit ^_^;; and I kept the lid off until he learned how to flop out. Yes, he flopped out. Did a little sommersault. Maybe that's why he died, they aren't really meant to be acrobatic... Rigomortis is so cool!! Stay tuned to find out if the treatment is really a success! Okay actually it is.  
  
Sango: We're going to need a LOT of turpentine to get this puppy clean :::Pokes at brain..thing with stick:::  
  
  
As always, reviews are appreciated. Threats are welcome, just keep them polite. How am I supposed to take you seriously if you're a rude idiot? =) Ooooh and make them REAL juicy and graphic too. ^_^ I'll consider any ideas, too, so feel free to post them. 


	5. More Brains

Finally, we got that brain back. It's kinda gross looking, but Sango the Lovely Assistant's scrubbing abilities are unmatched.  
  
Sango the Lovely Assistant: ::scrub scrub ..scrape..:: There, that should be the last of the paint.  
  
Kagome is in the pen with Inuyasha's head in her lap, trying to get used to his new brain. Mr. Happy the giant snail is contently sucking on Inuyasha's forehead.  
  
Kagome: Inuyasha, I know that you are a chicken now, and your diet consists mainly of rocks, insects, and corn, but I want you to know that I still care about you.  
  
Inuyasha, pecking at her hand: Buhk buhkaw!  
  
Kagome: You do? You really will have some tea with me Mr. Opus?  
  
:::Blink blink::: Umm.. I think that this whole thing is starting to get to Kagome's head. :::Eyes light up gleefully::: Now, playtime!!  
  
Sango the Lovely Assistant: Here you go!  
  
Hey, Kagome, we're going to give Inuyasha's brain back!  
  
Kagome: But, what about tea?  
  
Uuuhh... we can do that afterwards! (Note to self: Force Inuyasha into lacy summer dress and have him participate in tea party.)  
  
Later, in the garage (aka the laboratory):  
  
Fresh AAA batteries?  
  
Sango the Lovely Assistant: Here :::hands over two batteries:::  
  
Allright, now :::Clicks batteries into massive and rusty buzz saw::: Miroku, please remove your Happy from Inuyasha's face. ::Pluck!:: That's better. :::Wide grin::: Now, for some fun--  
  
Sango the Lovely Assistant: Ummm... why exactly is it you need that saw, anyway? Isn't his head already cut open?  
  
:::Glower::: You just have to ruin all my fun, don't you?  
  
Sango the Lovely Assistant: Sorry...  
  
:::Tosses buzz saw over shoulder::: *Clunk* :::Smiles contently at sound of buzz saw knocking some innocent by stander in the head:::  
  
Miroku, rubbing his head: Oww... Lady Kotiya, do be more cautious...  
  
Hehehe. Anyway, back to business :::plucks top of Inuyasha's head off and sets it on random kitsune's head:::  
  
Shippo, dancing around: Yay! I'm a banshee again!  
  
Now, to pluck out the chicken brain.  
  
Inuyasha: O_O Buhkaw???  
  
:::Pluck::: Here ya go, Naraku. Catch! :::Tosses incredibly small and dry chicken brain into air, and Naraku leaps up, drooling and panting excitedly, very much like a dog, and catches brain in his mouth::: Now, for Inuyasha's brain... :::Plop. Squooshie squooshie::: Ta da! Now, for the top of his head :::plucks kitsune out of midair and takes the head-top off, setting it on top of hanyou::: And, for my favorite part! :::Takes staple gun and goes trigger happy on hanyou's head::: There, good as new. As long as he doesn't go anywhere near a magnet for the next four months, he should be fine.  
  
Hopefully he is fully cured of the disease Mishiboku Llama, but if not, we will all have to do a reinactment of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. :::Eyes light up::: Hmmm, that might not be such a bad idea ^.^  
  
Inuyasha: Uugh... my head hurts...  
  
Miroku: My Happy really likes you, Inuyasha.  
  
Inuyasha: ((O_O)) Your WHAT?? Are you hitting on me you lecherous monk??  
  
Miroku: o.O Huh? What are you talking about Inuyasha?  
  
Hey Inuyasha, you like tea right? :::Evil cackle while rubbing hands together wickedly:::  
  
  
  
  
Yeah, it was pretty short. I'm kind of at a tie here on what to do next, but it will probably be the tea party. I'm also considering doing a morbid Little Red Riding Hood enactment, but that will be a separate fic.  
Suggestions? Questions? Comments? Chili Recipes? Please send with $5 to the following address... Oh wait, I live in an illegal smack house. Best to not disclose that information.  
  
^_^ Actually, I live in an isolated town where sane families ship their elderly off to so they can rot in their senality. Needless to say, our cheerleaders are quite gross.  
  
I don't know why I decided to inform you of this. Can I bribe you with some chocolate-covered mothballs? 


End file.
